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The Lost Relic
300px|left|Theme song Scene I: The Greet Benjamin Macmorgan, John Breasly, and Jack Pistol are at the Kings Arm Tavern, Jack and John are starring at the bar-maids Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh will you two stop it! Jack Pistol: Oh shush! You know fine lasses like that wont ever give us a glance, John Breasly: Not true! John walks up to one of the Bar-maids John Breasly: Ahoy there! Your a pretty fine creature... The bar-maid slaps John Bar-Maid: You do that again, and you get a gun to your head, and your body in the backyard with the other 20 men that have flirted with me ( Spanish Accent ) John Breasly walks away slowly Benjamin Macmorgan: So how did it go? John Breasly: Oh it went fine! I think were taking it to the next level soon! Jack Pistol: Hmmm.. whats this..? Jack sees a map on the ground, he picks it up and opens it. Lots of dust comes out Jack Pistol: Benjamin! John! Come look at this! Jack shows Ben, and John the map John Breasly: Problem, mate. Its in Latin. Do any of us speak Latin? Benjamin Macmorgan: Well.. I can speak pig Latin. Does that count? Jack sighs Jack Pistol: Were doomed Benjamin Macmorgan: Aye, we are. But at least we are not stupid. Jack Pistol: Oh my god! I have 5 fingers on each hand! Benjamin Macmorgan: Why am I surrounded by stupididy ( sigh ) The Group walk out of the tavern Benjamin Macmorgan: Okay! So heres the plan! We need to translate this text from Latin to English. Jack Pistol: Which English? Benjamin Macmorgan: Theres only one language called English, Jack. The next day, Benjamin is at the local docks with the map Benjamin Macmorgan: Geez, I wonder what this map is Random Merchant: Oh my god! I cant believe it! The Map of Cortez right in front of me very eyes! Benjamin Macmorgan: huh? Random Merchant: You don't know of the Map of Cortez!? Cortez is the Ancient Spanish relic, found in South America! If someone finds it, they might be the richest person on earth! Benjamin Macmorgan: You don't say... Random Merchant: Listen, I will pay you 20,000 gold coins for that map! Benjamin Macmorgan: Well.. if I can find it I'll be the richest man on earth right? So why would I sell it to you?! The Merchant Laughs Random Merchant: Look at you! Your weak! Skinny! No muscle whatsoever! How are you going to get their aye? How will you manage? The Merchant walks away laughing Benjamin Macmorgan ( thinking to self ) : Hmm... so I know two things now, this map is for The ancient spanish relic, Cortez, and its very valuable. But what exactly is the "cortez"? Is it some type of golden sword? What could it be! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Ahoy mate! I couldn't help but notice you walking around in circles, are you okay? Benjamin Macmorgan: Im fine. Im just really confused about this.. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Aye, I couldn't help and notice you had the Map of Cortez.. do you need a mighty fine ship to help you find it? You and I could team up! Benjamin Macmorgan: Sure! That sounds like a great plan. Lawrence Daggerpaine, excellent! Meet me here in two days, mid-day. We'll talk more, im on the run right now, those navy fools are looking for me. A few hours have passed, Benjamin meets up with John and Jack Jack Pistol: So did you find out anything? Benjamin Macmorgan: Yes.. This map will lead us to the Ancient Spanish Relic of Cortez, very valuable. John Breasly: Great! It'll be just us looking for it, aye? Benjamin looks nervous '' Benjamin Macmorgan: Yes.... just us! hehe Scene 2: The Great Discovery ''2 days later, Benjamin goes to meet Lawrence again '' Lawrence Daggerpaine: Ahoy matey! Good to see you again! Benjamin Macmorgan: I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! I lied!! 2 other people are helping me! But you can help out I guess! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Its okay! No need to freak out! I've been spying on you the past couple days, I know already! Benjamin Macmorgan: You've been spying on me? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well of course! Because I have to keep a reputation you see.. Benjamin Macmorgan: See what? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Nothing. ( whispers to self ) wow hes a idiot Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh my god! Jack was right! We have 2 hands! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Nice uh talking to you.. ''John Breasly and Jack Pistol see Benjamin and start walking over John Breasly: Lawrence? Lawrence Daggerpaine: John? John Breasly: LAWRENCE! Lawrence Daggerpaine: JOHN! Benjamin Macmorgan: ME! Benjamin Macmorgan: Wait you two know each other? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Aye. We be X brothers Benjamin Macmorgan: How can you be "ex" brothers? John Breasly: Long story short, we didn't like the name "brothers" so we decided to call it X brothers! Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh! I thought you meant you were like ex brothers Lawrence Daggerpaine: So we ready to get on the ship and find the ancient relic! Jack Pistol: Benjamin! You said it was just going to be us three! Benjamin Macmorgan: Uh well you see! Uh! Well you see! ( repeated 3 times) Jack Pistol: Its okay! Lets just set sail! John Breasly: Yes.. lets set sail! LeClerc Sharpe: Hey guys! Im ready! Benjamin Macmorgan: Who the hell are you? LeClerc Sharpe: Im Cortez! And im coming with you! Benjamin Macmorgan: Strange name for right now.. but okay! Scene 3: Setting Sail The group runs onto the ship N.R: Ahoy everyone! Jack Pistol: Who are you? N.R: Nobody knows, and actually I don't know who I am either Jack Pistol: Fair enough. Wait, wait?! How did you get on this ship? N.R: I've been following you Jack.. I can control your mind. Jack Pistol: You can what now? N.R does kung-fu moves Jack Pistol: ooooh my mind is being controlled by N.R N.R: Your right my padwon. I must be off. But I shall come later. I don't wait to give spoilers anytime soon. N.R magically leaves John Breasly: Um.. Jack who were you talking to? Jack Pistol: N.R John Breasly: who? Jack Pistol: He was standing right here! In fact you were standing right next to him! John Breasly: oh your right! ( jack must have had a little too much rum today aye? ) Benjamin Macmorgan: Jack, as soon as we dock were finding you a psychologist! Jack Pistol: but, but, he was standing right here! LeClerc Sharpe: Yea... keep thinking that buddy. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Preparing to set sail! The Ship sets sail Lawrence Daggerpaine: Open fire mates! Benjamin Macmorgan: Wheres the fire? Lawrence Daggerpaine: No you landlubber, it means fire your dang cannon! Benjamin Macmorgan: Makes sense! John Breasly: Lawrence.. theres food on this ship right? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Food at a shipwright? haha your insane! They don't sell food at ship wrights :P John Breasly: No thats not what I meant, ( slowly ) DO YOU HAVE FOOD ON THIS SHIP? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Food? Who needs food!? John Breasly: um all of us Jack Pistol: FOOD MAKES ME CRANKY! John Breasly: Benjamin, I think we need a psychologist for Jack just a little sooner. LeClerc Sharpe: Im hungry! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well too bad! We don't have food on this ship! Benjamin Macmorgan: WHAT?! NO FOOD?! The Ship is far out in sea Lawrence Daggerpaine: Hmmm... A mysterious ship comes out of no where. The ship has a large sign on it saying "Free Food" Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh look! A ship that sells food! Wait they have those? LeClerc Sharpe: FOOOOOOOD Lawrence Daggerpaine: Get the grapple hooks! Were going in! The group/crew get onto the other ship Captain Malicious: ( slow ) Hello there... Im Captain Malicious.. do you want candy? Benjamin Macmorgan: Hmmm... your name sounds suspicious! John Breasly: FOOOOD Captain Malicious: Oh you want food? Food appears out of nowhere. ( its green food ) LeClerc Sharpe: Oh I just love random green food! Jack Pistol: It must be the cure for my disease! John,Jack, Cortez, all dig in and start eating the food John Breasly: Why Benny no eat food food? LeClerc Sharpe: Yea why no food food eat eat? Benjamin Macmorgan: Um.. I think this was a made mistake.. John Breasly and Cortez wander off the ship and fall into the ocean. Nobody notices Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well I think we should be heading off.. Benjamin Macmorgan: Aye! Jack Pistol: Aye! Captain Malicious: Okay.. why leaving so soon? We didn't even get to play our "games" Captain Malicious's crew comes out and starts battling Lawrence, Benjamin, Jack, and the extra crew members Benjamin Macmorgan: Lawrence! We need to get out of here! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Righto! Jack Pistol: Lets get out of here! Lawrence Daggerpaine: RIGHTO! Benjamin Macmorgan: Why do you keep saying Righto? Lawrence Daggerpaine: BECAUSE YOU KEEP STANDING ON MY RIGHT - TOE! Benjamin, Lawrence, Jack and the crew jump into the water and climb onto their other ship without noticing John and Cortez were gone Benjamin Macmorgan: phew.. The ships engage in sea warfare Lawrence Daggerpaine: ALL MEN TO THE CANNONS! Jack Pistol: What about me? Benjamin sighs Benjamin Macmorgan: Jack, your a man! Jack Pistol: Oh okay. whatever you say Benjyo! The ship gets slight damage and quickly escapes Benjamin Macmorgan: Hey wait, John Breasly and Cortez aren't here! Scene 4: The Adventures of John Breasly and Cortez! John and Cortez, both highly confused and infected by the food swim away from the danger John Breasly: They left us! LeClerc Sharpe: I can't believe it! two mermaids come over and put both of them on their backs and ride away John Breasly: Um excuse me ladies, who are you? Mermaid 1: We came over to say hi, but now were kidnapping both of you! LeClerc Sharpe: That sounds like fun! Mermaid 2: ooh LeClerc Sharpe: Uh John. This is wrong on so many levels. The Mermaids circle both of them and take them to a magical island called Mermey John Breasly: What the devil is this place? Mermaid 1: Mermey Leclerc Sharpe: Whats the purpose of this? Mermaid 2: You'll see John Breasly and Cortez faint Mermaid 2: Wow.. John Breasly and Cortez wake up LeClerc Sharpe: Are you my mommy? Mermaid 2: No but im your wife! Mermaid 1: And im your wife, John! John and Cortez scream John Breasly: NO!!! I dont want mermaid kids! LeClerc Sharpe: IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!! Mermaid 1: And meet your... Mermaid 2: Kids! 800 mermaid children run up to John and Cortez Children: HI DADDY! John Breasly: Oh god Cortez: NO!!! Scene 5: South American Bon Voyage! Benjamin Macmorgan: Where are we? Lawrence Daggerpaine: Still in the Caribbean, we be docking at Tortuga soon. N.R: Oh hello Jack, we meet again Jack Pistol: AHHH!!! N.R is here! Jack Pistol is being "air" attacked N.R: I've come for you, my son. Jack Pistol: What? N.R: Jack. I AM YOUR FATHER!! Jack Pistol: NOO!!!!!!!!!! N.R disappears Jack Pistol: Im scared. Benjamin Macmorgan: Lets take a look at this map shall we? Lawrence Daggerpaine: What should we do about John and Cortez? Benjamin Macmorgan: Who? Lawrence Daggerpaine: never mind Benjamin opens the map Benjamin Macmorgan: So.. we need to get to the Amazon, a small tribe called the "Tanakas" are guarding a temple that I think might hold The Ancient Relic of Cortez. We need to get to Tortuga, crew up, get supplies, then head to Cuba and see if we can get anything there.. Jack Pistol: Shouldn't we save John Breasly and Cortez first? Benjamin Macmorgan: Nah I thinkt they'll be fine for now. Lawrence Daggerpaine: We are 20 miles away from Tortuga, I believe. The crew goes to sleep in hopes of recruiting tomorrow, Jack Pistol continues to have dreams about N.R. Benjamin Macmorgan Log 1: Im writing these logs to keep track of our journey, its April 2, 1736. Everyone else is asleep, today has been crazy! We ventured from Port Royal, met insane people! Jack's having hallucinations, John and Cortez are most likely in a shark cave somewhere. All good! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Everyone up! Crew Mate: Do we get any of the money if we find it? Benjamin Macmorgan: It depends if we all live or not. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Were docking at Tortuga now, everyone get on the boats! The group gets to Tortuga's dock Girl: Hey.. whats your name? Benjamin Macmorgan: Call me Benjamin Girl: ooh lalala Benjamin Macmorgan: Join us, we are venturing to South America to find the ancient relic of Cortez! Girl: Whatever you say Hours later Benjamin Macmorgan: Come on Jack! Im taking you to the psychologist! Psychologist: What do we have here today? Jack Pistol: Im seeing things Psychologist: Problem, Im not a psychologist Jack Pistol: Then why am I here? 6 months later Benjamin Macmorgan Log 70, its hot, rains all the time, we lost a few crew mates, We are close to South America I hope. Maybe we won't make it. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Benjamin! We made it! Benjamin Macmorgan: South America? Jack Pistol: YEPPERS PEPPERS! The crew lands Benjamin Macmorgan: Hmm.. I hope John and Cortez are okay John Breasly and Cortez slowly crawl out of the ocean Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh my god! Your alive! LeClerc Sharpe: We got kids! and we got married! We've been trying to find you ever since! John Breasly: I have over 800 kids! Benjamin Macmorgan: Well lets go find that relic! The group starts to walk in slow motion into the forest Benjamin Macmorgan: Uh why are we walking in slow motion? LeClerc Sharpe: To raise the drama level! Benjamin Macmorgan: Oh okay Benjamin sees a golden river Benjamin Macmorgan: Do you all see that!? Its a golden river! The group runs over to the river Act 2: Golden Dreams John Breasly: We can be extremely rich! Benjamin Macmorgan: Dont put anything in that river.. Jack Pistol: Too late Jack puts a rock in the river, a large group of native tribal men start running towards the group with spears Esmeralda: Stop!! ( runs in the middle ) Lawrence Daggerpaine: Who are you? Esmeralda: I've been living here awhile, mate. Esmeralda, and the group engage in combat with the natives Native Man: No! Hukan Mamas! Benjamin Macmorgan: Die! A spear stabs Benjamin Esmeralda: Benjmain! Benjamin Macmorgan: Get to the ship! The group runs to the dingy and gets ready to board the ship, benjamin macmorgan follows and throws grenades at the natives Lawrence Daggerpaine: Preparing to set sail! Jack Pistol: Are you okay Benjamin? Benjamin Macmorgan: Yes im fine! Esmeralda tends to Benjamin's wounds Benjamin Macmorgan: Thank you so much! We better get a move on! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Aye! John Breasly: Set sail! the ship sets sail, the natives are stuck on ''land Benjamin Macmorgan: Esmeralda! Hand me that map Esmeralda: There you go ''Benjamin looks at the map Benjamin Macmorgan: We need to get to the Amazon. We'll need to find a different place to dock at, in the Amazon we'll need to find The Temple of Cortez which should hold the relic. Lawrence Daggerpaine: We'll take the Gorlean river then, John Breasly: The Gorlean river is calm right? Lawrence Daggerpaine: of course it is! Act 3: The Gorlean Journey the ship approaches the river Lawrence Daggerpaine: About a 5 mile journey, then we'll be at the Amazon Forest. Benjamin Macmorgan: Everyone to the cannons! We need to make sure we get there in one piece Jack Pistol: I love you John Breasly: Um who are you talking to? Not me right? Jack Pistol: Yes you, my love John Breasly: Can I hit him?! Jack Pistol: Shhh im talking to N.R! John Breasly: Thank god Benjamin Macmorgan: sigh Lawrence Daggerpaine: To the cannons! I think were being chased by the Paradox! Everyone gets on the cannons, gun shots are heard, 4 Paradox ships surround the group's vessel Benjamin Macmorgan: FIRE!!! Esmeralda: I got 'em! a cannon ball almost hits jack Jack Pistol: IM SCARED! The paradox ships grappe onto their ship, Paradox members spring onto the groups vessel Carlos Clemente: Hola, senor! Why you in Paradoxian waters? Paradox members pull our their swords Benjamin Macmorgan: Friends, we're outnumbered. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Its been a jolly good time knowing you all John Breasly: Aye! Jack Pistol: Wheres Cortez? LeClerc Sharpe: Right here idiots! Cortez swings on a rope and pushes the Paradox Gang Captain into the ocean, Cortez then pulls out his gun and shoots some of the members of the Paradox LeClerc Sharpe: Attack! We have the element of surprise! Benjamin, John, and Jack pull out their weapons and begin fighting. The team kills all the Paradox troopers as Lawrence drives the ship out of enemy land '' Benjamin Macmorgan: That was a close one.. John Breasly: We need to get help Jack Pistol: Aye.. We need Sao Feng Lawrence Daggerpaine: Off to Singapore then? Benjamin Macmorgan: Aye! ''Lawerence spots Navy ships following them Lawerence Daggerpaine: uh oh.. were being followed Benjamin Macmorgan: To the cannons! LeClerc Sharpe: YA TOO THE CANNONS WITH MA MERMAID WIFE! John Breasly: Are you okay? the navy ships begin attacking the ship Benjamin Macmorgan: Open fire! Lawrence Daggerpaine: We need to get out of danger! the group's ship slowly sinks LeClerc Sharpe: We are sinking! Lawerence Daggerpaine: Everyone jump out! We can swim to land! The crew jumps off the ship and slowly swims to land, far away from the passing navy ship Benjamin Macmorgan: We need to get to Singapore John Breasly: Aye Jack Pistol: How? Benjamin Macmorgan: Where are we right now? Lawrence Daggerpaine: It looks like we are in India John Breasly: We could stowaway to Singapore then.. The group get into boxes on the dock Benjamin Macmorgan: We'll be there in no time! - The End - What do you want in the next Lost Relic? Someone to find love More battles! More characters More funny deluded scenes! Do you like this story? Yes No Whos your favorite main character? Benjamin Macmorgan Lawerence Daggerpaine John Breasly Jack Pistol Cortez Category:POTCO Category:POTCO Plays